Hi there. Long time, no speak.
After the initial disappointment (which I oft described as ‘bummed out’) of not getting the funding for my dream PhD research had passed, I realised that whilst it was a shame and that the system is against me etc. etc., I actually had had a wonderful opportunity to go after something that I wanted which is rare for me. I like the easy routes, the guarantees of feeling good about myself. I had also got to the interview stage and, according to my potential supervisor (PS), that was impressive based on the level of competition. I have since applied for some ‘lesser’ funding and have heard nothing back since. As my PS is on maternity leave, I doubt I’ll be at the front of her mind anyway, so I am going to let that one drift for now.
As for my assessments, well. Never have I ever been so stressed. I was genuine when I told my tutor how concerned I was about my grades. It felt like a trainwreck to me. But it seems I am that person that whines about how terrible she is only to get very good grades. Yeah, I hate me, too. I am happy with them, and outstandingly shocked with glee over one of them (thankfully worth the most credits so far, as well, kerching!). This has probably given me the confidence to look at the rest of my Masters with much more enthusiasm. It’ll be over quickly I know, and I don’t want to think I spent the whole time acting like someone forced me to do it.
That being said, I have a sinking feeling in my gut which is a somatosensory response to presentations. I can’t help it, I wish I could. I have one next Tuesday which is preluded by having to contribute to games activities over the weekend. Double whammy of ‘Oh, heck, all eyes are on me.’. Classroom discusssions, or clowning around with people, and I get a kick out of being centre of attention. As soon as I am standing and it’s formal, then suddenly I want to run and/or puke. So the next few days are going to be excruciating and I guess that’s unavoidable.
In brighter news, I have discovered an interest in consultancy and looking into ways to help Psychology branch out a bit more into mainstream relevance. It’s exciting to discovere potential new passions.